In tonight’s Standard there’s a story about a mother who is fighting to identify the father of her son.
Her six-year-old boy was conceived using sperm from an anonymous British donor at a clinic in Marbella. Because the clinic is in Spain, none of the donor’s details could be placed on the HFEA’s database.
OK. That’s the science bit.
What I find a bit depressing about all this is that the woman said in a statement she hopes ‘with all my heart’ that the father of her child would want to meet him.
The woman conceived her son using sperm from an anonymous donor, presumably because she it was more important to her to have a child than wait for Mr Right/Whatever/Also Ran (or Mrs) to come along, and I’m certainly not judging her for that.
But what I don’t understand is why it’s so important to her that her child should know who his ‘father’ is, or why she is romanticising the situation by using emotive language. Because donating sperm does not make a man a dad.
A father is someone who does his best for his children, to the best of his ability; who tries his hardest to protect his kids, and loves them with all his heart, always, no matter how far he is from them, no matter what.
And of course a man doesn’t have to be a child’s natural father to love, care for and nurture them.
This is not the same situation as a child who has been adopted or fostered wanting to track down their biological parents, although of course I get that kids are curious about their backgrounds. Of course it’s complicated, but in my opinion this mum would be better off concentrating on providing the most loving stable background for her son that she possibly can.