My top 5 mum fails

March 15, 2015

So, I know it may *seem* as though I’ve got it all sorted in the motherhood stakes, and somehow I have actually managed to raise No 1 Son without any *major* major disasters. But that doesn’t mean it was all plain sailing; ohhhh no. So as it’s Mother’s Day, I thought I’d share my top 5 mum fails, and hopefully they’ll provide some comfort to those of you who sometimes feel like the worst Mum In The World, because trust me, we’ve all been there. Some of us more than once *cough*. My one comfort is that all of these happened before smart phones.

1. When No 1 son was a baby and we were staying in a cottage in Cornwall I stupidly left him on a table while I was changing him – and while I turned my back for A SECOND to reach for a clean nappy that was when he decided to roll over, on to the stone floor. Queue much crying (from him, from me) and Man of the House driving us 25 miles to the nearest hospital, where we were given the third degree. Fortunately No 1 Son was fine but it was a lesson well learned.

2. Another nappy story; due to extremely bad planning on my part one day we ran out of nappies. Man of the House took him to the nearest garage wrapped in a tea towel.

3. I went back to work on a national newspaper really quickly after No 1 Son was born; one night the news editor rang me and asked me to file a story. I completely forgot that I had the dummies on the stove in a pan of boiling water to sterilise. The pan boiled dry and caught fire.

4. When he was little we noticed he had hearing problems in one ear; at first our GP thought it was an ear infection, but after several courses of antibiotics didn’t work we were referred to the hospital for tests. It turned out he had somehow wedged a red chubby crayon right into his ear canal. I think it must have been in there at least a year.

5. On a holiday to Lyme Regis in Dorset when he was about five he was desperate to have a go in a little rubber dinghy. So I bought him a lifejacket and wet suit (it wasn’t that warm) and a dinghy, helped him take it into the water and watched him bobbing around happily. Five minutes later he was drifting out to sea, practically up to the harbour wall. I started screaming, people were panicking and someone said they’d ring the air sea rescue; but there was NO TIME to mess about and so I did the only thing I could do: I jumped into the sea with all my clothes on and swam to the harbour wall, managed to get hold of the dinghy and pull it back to shore. No 1 Son was completely unphased by the whole thing.

ice-cream on the beachSo there you go, my top 5 mum fails. Yes, we can laugh about them now. Yet in spite of everything, somehow I’ve managed to get this amazing kid this far. And I never forget how fortunate I am to have this beautiful boy in my life. Happy Mother’s Day 😉

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