I won’t be having any more children

April 18, 2011

And if I’m honest, that makes me a little sad.

I’ll spare you the gory details but suffice to say that having another baby is not an option. And knowing I don’t have control over my fertility is a difficult thing to come to terms with. I’m used to making decisions about all sorts of important things in my working life; but this is something I cannot control. It’s not that I had even wanted another baby – at least, I didn’t think I did. But not having the option, not having the choice, puts it in a different light.

Of course it makes the offspring even more precious – scarily precious. I have to really struggle with my Cotton Wool Syndrome and the Fear Of Something Happening, and it’s a daily internal battle.

On Friday, a colleague announced she is pregnant – with twins. This is fabulous news, and of course I’m so happy for her.

You hear so many stories of women losing babies. I know how lucky I am.

But still, it makes me a little sad.

You Might Also Like

  • Lindsey April 27, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    Just read with your post with sadness, I never thought I’d feel this way but am now going to a fertility specialist at the age of 40 after having my son 4 years ago and not being able to conceive since. I was never that maternal before and do feel very blessed with having one child. You spend so many years trying not to get pregnant but when that choice is taken away from you its hard.

  • I’d do it all again in a heart-beat « ghostwritermummy April 22, 2011 at 8:19 am

    […] read a post recently by Liz over at The Mum Blog and it struck a chord with me about a post I’ve wanted to write for a long time. Liz’s […]

  • Corrie Martin April 19, 2011 at 8:58 am

    I can totally understand this. I have 2 boys (14 & 12) who are just fabulous and we are not having any more for all the right reasons ( room, money, jobs etc) but that does not stop. A deep seated sadness that I won’t be having anymore. I’m always delighted for those who are pregnant or just givenbirth but always always tinged with a tad of jealousy !!

  • Mummy's Little Monkey (@Jax2000) April 18, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    I have two gorgeous girls, and would love a third but OH has said absolutely definitely not. I know it’s not the same as not physically being able to have another child – I’m not insensitive enough to suggest that it’s even close – but the end result is the same. I adore my daughters, but my family still doesn’t feel quite complete and I worry that I’ll always feel that little heart-twisting pang of longing and regret.

    • Liz April 19, 2011 at 7:10 am

      Gosh that is tough; but I know women who have gone ahead and had another child even when their partner has expressly said they don’t want one, and it’s been a disaster. So I think you’re right to respect his wishes xxx

  • geekmummy April 18, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    I’m sorry to hear your choice has been taken away from you. I think that must be the hardest thing. Of course it will hurt when you see people around you getting pregnant if you feel like your family would be different in a perfect world. You almost need to mourn the child(ren) that you won’t have.


    • Liz April 19, 2011 at 7:09 am

      Thank you – I’m OK, really, it’s just a little sad feeling now and again. Maybe that’s what it is xxx

  • Kate aka WitWitWoo April 18, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    Your post touched a nerve with me … it’s a subject that I’ve struggled internally with for the last few years. I’m now 40 – my deadline age – and circumstances have dictated that having a 3rd child just isn’t feasible. Having lost my Mum a few years back, that urge to have a daughter (I have 2 boys) grew stronger. It makes me sad too – but yes, I know I’m extremely lucky. It’s still tough though isn’t it?

    • Liz April 19, 2011 at 7:08 am

      It is very tough xxx

  • Emma April 18, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    I think it’s having the choice taken away from you that makes it the hardest even if you don’t want anymore children knowing that you can is some how comforting.
    I know what you mean about being happy for your colleague and at the same time a little sad when we were trying for our youngest daughter every one around me seemed Tobermory pregnant and I was happy for them but at the same time it seemed to rub it in my face that I wasn’t.

    I have cotton wool syndrome it’s hard to deal with, mine is down to loss of a child and multiple miscarriages but I do try to let them have a life but when they are away on school trips that is the worse!

    • Liz April 18, 2011 at 9:51 pm

      I try hard too, but it’s SO difficult xxx

  • nichola April 18, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    I can totally relate to this. I’m also sad as I feel what if we did have another bab? But I know another baby would break us, or more to the point break me. And that makes me sad. But in another sense I’m now happy to be over the baby years and 3 years later I feel I might just get my life back.

    • Liz April 18, 2011 at 9:50 pm

      That is sad but I can relate to the life back thing too xxx

  • Liz April 18, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    Same here, I’ve never gotten pregnant again after having our daughter and as it’s been 8 years and I’m nearly 40 I can’t see it happening again. I was moping about it a little while ago, but some of my friends are childless and will never have any for various reason beyond their control. I’m lucky enough to have one healthy happy girl, I feel quite blessed in that.

    • Liz April 18, 2011 at 9:49 pm

      I do feel blessed as well xxx

  • Nickie April 18, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    I’m sure I replied to a similar blog post you wrote some time ago and since then, I have a blog post half written about having that choice taken from me too. It’s all been brought to the front of my mind with a fellow blogger having had a similar operation to the one I had too.

    I’m not sure I’d ever want any more children either, especially being thrown into grandparent-dom so early in my life, but feel your sentiment with every fibre in my body.

    • Liz April 18, 2011 at 9:49 pm

      Hugs to you xxx

  • fiona @adoptresources April 18, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    There’s a lot in your post that struck a chord with me… Having gone through a lot of this over 10 years ago and now being mum to 3 gorgeous and lovely children through adoption, some of these feelings have re-surfaced now that I’m a certain age ; ) and have to face the fact that having a baby really is never going to happen for me…

    • Liz April 18, 2011 at 9:47 pm

      I think that what you’ve done is amazing and I’m sure you’re a fab mum xxx

  • Helen April 18, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    I too have reached that stage, but have no children of my own. It’s heart breaking x

    • Liz April 18, 2011 at 9:46 pm

      I’m so sorry x

  • TheBoyandMe April 18, 2011 at 9:36 am

    Oh I’m sorry, it must be such a difficult moment to deal with, one that all women will come to. It must have been heartbreaking when you found out about the colleague. When I had The Boy I hoped it would reinvigorate my relationship with my sister but her hubby had the snip & she basically couldn’t deal with my son for the reasons you’ve mentioned. It broke my heart, especially as I was desperate for her support.

    • Liz April 18, 2011 at 9:45 pm

      That’s so sad, I hope she was able to come to terms with it eventually x

  • Fiona Erlandsen April 18, 2011 at 8:26 am

    Your post makes me feel guilty and lucky at the same time. I have been known on occasion to moan about not really having the choice.. Ending up with three children. (Especially half way through the 3 month summer hols in Spain. )Twins coming when my son was just two years old. I really only had planned 2 at the most, I have 2 step children too. But not having the choice to carry on is hard to accept, because it’s more of a what if….wonder…You have a right to be a bit sad, frustrated however it comes. Once I stopped thinking about the choices that had been taken away, I felt better about what I had got! (Gosh I am sure so many women who can’t have kids will want to punch me if they read this..oops)

    • Liz April 18, 2011 at 9:44 pm

      I feel so grateful for everything I have, but it is the choice thing that’s difficult, definitely.

  • Blue Sky April 18, 2011 at 7:24 am

    I’m in the same space and like that I know how lucky I am to have my three – even with their problems – but I would’ve loved more and go totally gooey over other people’s babies. I’m just going to have to wait until my eldest makes me a Granny (and not put any pressure on her!)

    • Liz April 18, 2011 at 9:43 pm

      lol yes I think I’ve a way to go before that too!